The experience of an unplanned pregnancy is different for young men than it is for young women. You may feel overwhelmed by the news that your girlfriend is pregnant. You may not know how to talk about your feelings and concerns, or even feel like anyone cares about what you think. As the man involved with the pregnancy, it’s important that you play an active and positive role in supporting her and in helping her to make the best decision for both of you. Show her that you care about what she is feeling (“I’m scared, too, but we are in this together.” “I’m not going to make you do this alone.” “This is my responsibility, too.”). Be honest with her about how you feel. 

“I’m not even sure the baby is mine.”
If you have been sexually active with this girl in recent months, then it is certainly possible, and you should take responsibility. If you are genuinely concerned about whether or not you are responsible for this pregnancy, ask her for more information. Even if you have broken up recently, this should not be the first thing you say to her.

“I’m not going to get involved in deciding what to do.” “It’s her body so it’s her choice.”
She needs you to be involved and supportive right now. Ask yourself the important questions: Am I ready to be a good father? Can I help support a baby right now? Could I place a baby for adoption? How do I feel about abortion as an option? Even though your intentions may be good, do not sit back passively and force her to make all the tough decisions. It is ultimately her decision, but she probably needs to know your answers to these questions too.

“Everyone is focused on her right now.” “No one seems to care about how I feel or what I want.”
Because it affects her body, people may overlook how you feel or what you want to do. It’s important that you find a trusted adult that you can talk with and help you sort through your feelings. This adult may be a parent/relative, a coach, or a clergy person. Regardless of who you talk to, make sure that they will listen to you and not try to force you to make a decision you don’t feel good about. This is an important first step in figuring out what you think is the right decision. If it’s appropriate, ask him/her to help advocate for you with the other adults. (You may also want to check out www.menandabortion.com, with information and resources just for you.)

“I feel powerless in this situation.” “She’s the one who is pregnant and I don’t have much of a say in what she decides.”
It’s true that she may have the final say in what to do. But, there are ways to encourage her to include you in the decision-making process. Be kind and respectful toward her. Tell her how you feel and check in with her about what she is feeling. Talk with her about why she thinks one option is better than the others. The best way to have a say about the final decision is to keep the lines of communication open, respectful and supportive. Remember that being pregnant can be life changing and stressful for a young woman.  Be patient and understanding. Try to imagine things from her perspective. If you are having a hard time with her decision, reach out to a counselor or a supportive clergy person to help you work through your feelings.

“Her parents are accusing me of statutory rape, but I never forced myself on her!”
Statutory rape is a legal definition when the sexual partner is more than a certain number of years older than a minor child. It differs from state to state. Again, the best way to deal with this accusation is to speak honestly and respectfully with her and her parents.